Am I really as neurotic as I feel?

After a great weekend being a dork with my closest dorks, I just found out that the mom of one of my friends is in the hospital.  She was in the hospital in the winter after an episode...psychosis, or something like it.  She had some heart problems about 6 years ago or so, and the doctors think that she suffered some small strokes as a result, which may have played into the episode.  They put her on some drugs and seemed to have everything under control.  Anyway, she's in the southwest for her nephew's wedding, and she woke up after a nap not really coherent.  She was feeling sick before she flew down there, so maybe it's just a flu bug or something.  We're hoping that's all it is.

P was my 2nd mom in high school...still is.  She was a 2nd mom to all of us.  She's one of the most intelligent persons I've had the honor of knowing.  She has always welcomed everyone into her house, always knew what to say if any of us needed advice...she's just someone everybody should have in their lives.  Ugh.

Posted by: greeneyes at 20:27 | link | comments (4)

I tried vegetarian cream cheese.  It was...interesting.  Maybe I didn't get the right kind?  The texture was good, better than light cream cheese.  But the flavor...not so much.

Posted by: greeneyes at 20:10 | link | comments (1)

Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.

-- Abraham Joshua Heschel 1907-1972

Posted by: greeneyes at 07:16 | link | comments (1)

Peds pounding pavement
Soreness
Rhythmic respiration
Strength
Muscles moving
Fatigue
Neurons no longer napping
Peace
Sweat streaming
Serenity

Posted by: greeneyes at 21:40 | link | comments

Open letter

I don't have much time to write down my thoughts in a concise and eloquent way, so this is going to be...interesting.  But these thoughts are cluttering my mind and greatly distracting me right now, so they must come out.  Perhaps I'll edit it later, I don't know.  This is an open letter to multiple people.

 

Dear You,

You disappoint me.  You have for quite some time.  You put up this facade, but nobody buys it.  I'm quite confident in saying that you're not fooling anybody, including yourself, no matter what you tell yourself or others.  You say you want to be certain things, to believe certain ideas, and while you're great at pretending you're working towards those goals, you don't.  You fall far short.  We know the kind of person you really are, though I would still rather believe you're a fundamentally good person.  However, my ability to truly believe that has waned significantly over quite some time.  Your actions come off as denying the person you are.  You attempt to convince yourself and those around you that your life is so great, but deep down we know that's not the case.  There is potential; there's always potential.  But you can't just say you want something and it will be so.  You have to take a long, hard, very objective look at yourself and figure out the person you were, the person you are, and the person you want to be.  Once that's done, you need to figure out how to get to be the person you want to be.  None of this denial bullshit.  No facades.  No acts.  Nobody buys it.  And if anybody says they do, they're only fooling themselves.  I'd like to say that you truly deserve to be the person you want to be; I've even seen evidence of that.  I've also seen plenty of evidence that shows you're not worthy of being that person; however, my desire to see you as a good person outweighs that evidence.  Therefore, I say that I want you to be that person.  But I need something to work with.  I can't do that alone.

Sincerely,

Me

Posted by: greeneyes at 13:06 | link | comments (3)

I'm still adjusting to light cream cheese.  I think fondly of Panera's fantastic (and fantastically calorie-laden) cream cheese...but sometimes sacrifices must be made.

I tend to not adjust well to change.  I tend to be a fan of Newton's first law.  But I think about how much my life has changed in the past year, and I know I'm so much better off now than I was then in several ways.  Except for the consumption of Panera bagels and cream cheese...but I suppose, when you think about it, I'm probably better off without them.

I watched What About Brian last night.  Good, good show.  The psycho girlfriend ("Car Girl"...played by our favorite pink Power Ranger Amy Jo Johnson) was hilarious.  "Restraining order!!!"  I recommend it.

I can't wait until next week's Prison Break.  Should be a good one!!  (Aren't they all good?)

I still can't get over how great my legs look...they catch me by surprise.  I can't wait until the pools open.  Since the weather is getting better, and more time will be spent moving around, they will look even better.  Though my roomie is taking her treadmill with her when she moves in with her bf this weekend.  (I know!!  I gave her such a hard time tonight about pulling a "How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days" thing and photoshop their kids...she was like "No. God no. No."  Bless her heart.)

Gotta go for a quick walk.

Nope, the light cream cheese just doesn't quite cut it.  Stupid sacrifices. 

Posted by: greeneyes at 20:32 | link | comments (6)

I am unable to read the comments posted on my own blog.  This is quite frustrating.

I love going to work at 7, except for the fact that it makes me really hungry the entire morning.  I can't explain it.

I didn't make it downtown today, but tomorrow's schedule is fairly light.

I always get tears in my eyes when I look at Father's Day cards or birthday cards for my dad.  As such, I usually get a funny card and a touching card to balance things out.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful weather today...more tomorrow.  I wish the pools were open.  I bought a little skirt/swimsuit coverup thing...it was on clearance.  Super cute!  But even though it's my usual size...it's too big!  So I need to exchange it.

One of the creepy guys at work hit on me today.  Granted, I was looking quite great (my new shoes make my legs look fab-u-lous!), so I can't blame him, but one of my coworkers got suuuuch a kick out of it...she saw the whole thing, including how I tried to get away.  Then I had to fill her in on how I get hit on by the weirdest guys in public.  I don't get it.

12 confirmed tornadoes from the storm last night...all but one in Iowa, I think.  Crazy, crazy stuff.  One of them almost hit work...I guess my friends who were still working there last night and said they saw something really did see something.

The Cubs better not blow this game.

Posted by: greeneyes at 20:46 | link | comments (2)

Auntie Em, Auntie Em!!

Wow.  Crazy night.  I'm safe and as far as I know, everybody I know is safe.  About a dozen tornadoes hit eastern Iowa tonight, including a handful within about 20 miles.  A friend said she saw something drop down just a mile or three away, and another friend said she saw something out by work.  Kinnick Stadium seems to be okay, but downtown IC is a mess based on what I've heard.  There will be some awesome pictures in the next day or two.  Maybe I'll head down to campus and check things out (I'm a looky loo, what can I say?).  Apparently a bunch of trees are down...between tonight and the huge storm of '98 (remember seeing the train danging from the bridge on the national news? That was us) there may not be a lot of greenery left.  About 75% of the trees on campus were downed in '98.  The sirens went off 4 times where I'm at.

And I just found out that Iowa cancelled classes for tomorrow.  They NEVER cancel classes, not even when there's 10 inches of snow on the ground and the windchill is 20 below.  Wow.

Posted by: greeneyes at 22:59 | link | comments (4)

My mind was in such a dither last night.  I have no idea why.  I couldn't concentrate on anything...not exactly a good thing when you're trying to fall asleep.  The last week I've been rather still while sleeping and haven't rolled around too much (as evidenced by the fact that my covers actually stay on the bed), but this morning I awoke to find the covers were tossed about and two of my pillows were halfway down the bed.  My dreams have been a bit crazy, too...living on the 60th floor of a high rise on the shores of North Carolina, waiting for a hurricane to come (it was Thursday, and it wasn't expected to hit until Tuesday, so I was okay about it since my weekend plans wouldn't be interrupted)...coming home at lunch to find motor oil dripping from my ceiling...living in some sort of communal type place with people from work and some friends and this crazy psycho bitch we've had to deal with at work...I can't explain it either.

I get to play financial advisor to a friend.  I love playing financial advisor.  I'm like Suze Orman, but without the bad fake tan and bad highlights and lots of money.  Oh, and I don't have my own show...yet.

After losing 2 more pounds last week, I realized I've lost 40 pounds since I graduated college.  What did I say when I realized that?  "Shiiiiiiiiiit."  It's depressing to think about that.  I mean, it's fantastic that I've lost that weight (and I'm only about 15 away from my goal weight), but the fact that I ignored myself long enough to put on that weight...gah.  One thing I've known about myself for the past year (and refused to fully realize until last fall) is that I'm good at ignoring the important stuff.  But I guess that's part of growing up and reflecting on the past--your level of self-realization goes up, your personality goes through a few tweaks, and you end up a better and stronger person who refuses to put up with stuff she used to...and boy did she put up with a lot.

Prison Break!!!!  I'm recording the episodes for D for when she gets back to the States.  I don't care if they've drawn it out far too long, I still love it.  Wentworth is so beautiful.  A friend of a friend is a writer for the show, so I told An to pass on the message that I love the show and I'd like a date with Wentworth.  He said he'd see what he could do.  teehee!  ;-)

I have a new goal: to hike/climb Mt. Elbert.  Elevation is 14,433 feet.  Maybe I'll give it a shot next year if I can find a friend or two to do it with me.  How awesome would that be?  I'd have to practice on some smaller mountains, though.  But still...unbelievably awesome.

Posted by: greeneyes at 21:44 | link | comments (2)

Virtue means doing the right thing, in relation to the right person, at the right time, to the right extent, in the right manner, and for the right purpose. Thus, to give money away is quite a simple task, but for the act to be virtuous, the donor must give to the right person, for the right purpose, in the right amount, in the right manner, and at the right time.

-Aristotle

Posted by: greeneyes at 10:17 | link | comments