Am I really as neurotic as I feel?

So much running around tonight!  Bike ride, dash to our regular hang out (that hasn't been too regular lately, but the waitress saw me and said "you want a duck fart?" because she recognized me, so apparently it's been regular enough), dash to grocery store to get stuff to make food for the tailgate tomorrow morning, now I have to make the food, get things ready, and go to bed at a decent time.  We were out late last night (well, late for me, anyway) so I was even more tired than usual.  You know you look tired when someone who sees you 3 times a week is standing 10-15 feet away and says "wow, you look tired!"  I didn't think it showed that much, but I guess it does.  I just need to go to bed earlier.  It's not like I'm running around most days...just hanging out, making dinner, riding my bike (not necessarily in that order).  Okay, off to go make food.  I don't know why I'm so close to barely freaking out...probably because I'm not the one planning this....so I'm not in control of an event...and that just doesn't happen.  Ah, well.  Things will be fine, we'll have a great time, and everyone will be happy.  Toodles!!

Posted by: greeneyes at 19:26 | link | comments

A great way to wake up...

Dance naked to Michael Buble's "Spider-Man" and the Gorillaz's (how do you possessify Gorillaz?) "Feel Good Inc."  A little too much information for my readers, perhaps, but I love to dance in my room, sans clothes, music turned up, and just let go.  No worries about how you look, what to do with your arms, who you're trying to impress...just shake your butt, move your legs, wave your arms, wiggle your hips to your heart's content.  It's guaranteed to put you in a fantastic mood.

Posted by: greeneyes at 09:10 | link | comments

Thursday wing madness!!

I'm headed downtown this evening, so watch out chickens!

 

I think this post indicates I need a drink...or a life...or maybe just a nap.  I'll take any of the above.  :-)

Posted by: greeneyes at 10:45 | link | comments

So a couple of weekends ago, my mom gave me a hard time about the state of my bathroom.  It wasn't horrible, like a bachelor was using it, but I'll admit it had been a while since it had a thorough cleaning.  She told me, "(insert my name here), you really should treat yourself better than that.  You deserve better than that."  I reverted to my teenage days and said "yeah, yeah, I know, I'll clean it" and brushed her off.  But deep down, she was right.  Moms are always right.  Especially my mom.  She has a gift (unless you're a teenage girl, in which case that gift is most definitely a curse).

I cleaned my bathroom that day...scrubbed the shower, threw things away, wiped off the sink, washed the floor (those disposable cleaning wipes are fabulous), put the shower curtain in the washer (though I didn't use bleach on it as mom told me to...I'm afraid of residual bleach getting onto clothes and will only spot clean with it in the most dire of circumstances).  It was sparkling white.  And it's been clean ever since, though I do need to do the maintenance cleaning, of course.  [My bedroom...well, nobody ever goes in there except me, so we'll just leave that alone, shall we?]

I got to thinking about this last night, and I've actually been thinking about this pretty much ever since.  I do need to treat myself well.  Everybody needs to treat themselves well.  I think I've been doing a good job of that, frankly.  I've been eating much better the past couple of months, especially the last month (maybe longer, as I lose track of time quite easily).  Veggies at almost every meal, a healthy shake in the morning (banana, milk, and chocolate protein powder) to go along with good cereal or a piece of toast and peanut butter), lean meats, some carbs, hardly any processed stuff, alcohol (and other glutton-inducing goodies) only on Saturday, and just making better choices and using the self-control I know I've always had but haven't always put to use.  I've been riding my bike at least a half hour a day, 5-6 times a week (much to the chagrin of my knees).  I've been drinking more water.  Snacking has been limited.  I don't beat myself up if, say, I have a big dessert or something on a non-Saturday.

Take last night...I had a turkey burger (with some cojack cheese, no bun) and broccoli and carrots (butter, pepper, salt, and garlic powder) all prepared on the grill.  It was so good!  I followed that with some sliced strawberries and a banana, topped with some lite chocolate syrup (tastes like regular, just runnier) and lite redi-whip (tastes like regular).  It was an indulgence, yes, but it was a good indulgence.  I wanted something sweet, and I had something sweet that didn't totally mess up my blood sugar.  I didn't go for the gooey browney and ice cream and hot fudge that I so dearly wanted.

I felt very satisfied after supper.  I worked out (which always makes me happier) and ate well.  And that made me feel better.  I think that is one of the prongs of happiness...if you treat yourself well...eat well, play well, work well, exercise well, have good relationships that are beneficial (codependents need not apply)...happiness will follow.  Is it THE key to happiness?  No...that's much too individualized to make such a sweeping generalization.  But it helps pave the path.

Posted by: greeneyes at 11:56 | link | comments (2)

You can swing dance to a cartoon theme song!  Thank you, Michael Buble, for your rendition of the Spider-Man theme song...it's fantastic!!!  I absolutely love it!!

Posted by: greeneyes at 21:11 | link | comments

A flower from Florida...

I took this picture some months ago in Jacksonville.  I like it.

Posted by: greeneyes at 21:48 | link | comments (1)

Things are better...not perfect, but better.  Friend and I had a bit of an airing out...she didn't mean to hurt me, she didn't want to fuck things up between us, she just doesn't like it when her friends hurt and that's why she felt bad not being with me...like her being with me will make things better.  It won't.  But I appreciate the thought.

Posted by: greeneyes at 21:04 | link | comments

Sometimes you have to let it all out.  Just sit down, have a good cry, and cleanse your spirit.  Sometimes when there's nothing wrong it feels like everything is horribly, horribly amiss.  Sometimes you just want someone to hold you close, to tell you everything is okay, to kiss your tears, and make you feel better.   Sometimes you just need someone's touch, some physical human contact.

This is one of those nights, and all I have are the tears.

Posted by: greeneyes at 19:14 | link | comments (3)

It was a little rainy this morning when I went for my ride.  I almost didn't go because of the weather, but I hadn't ridden for 2 days, so I was itching to get out.  I'm glad I went.  Doing things in the rain--biking, walking, playing, singing, dancing--is so therapeutic.  You get wet, you get muddy, and people think you're a little odd because you enjoy it so much.  I don't know what makes it so therapeutic.  Maybe it's feeling the rain hit your arms and your legs.  Maybe when you're done and you see all the mud on yourself and you think you really did something; then when you take a shower afterwards you have to scrub a little bit to get the mud unglued from your skin.  I really think that if adults played in the rain, in the mud, let themselves get dirty, and just be kids again, the world would be a happier place.  Who cares what the neighbors think?  Who cares if people look at you funny, thinking you're crazy?  Just let yourself go...lose yourself in the moment...and try to remember what it was like to not have a care in the world, or at lest what it was like when your biggest worry was catching your favorite cartoon show or having the bigger piece of cake.

It's interesting how people can be so quick to point out your faults, your shortcomings, but they're so hesitant to take a good, honest look at themselves.  Everybody's guilty of this.  She thinks I'm so negative, that I complain too much?  I'm not the one always saying how I ate like a heifer all day, how fat I feel, how tired I am, how much I hate the week before my period, how stressed I am about this or that or every little thing, how my dad is such a fucking asshole.  I complain; I won't deny it.  But I try not to point out other people's failings unless I take a look at myself and see if I'm actually trying to improve myself.  An honest assessment of yourself can be a difficult thing to do; you look at yourself objectively and let yourself judge your actions as if somebody else was the culprit.  What if so-and-so had done this?  Would that change your opinion?  If this person was the one who cheated, or who drank too much, or slept with somebody he regretted, or let somebody down, or whatever other bad thing you can think of....if it was someone other than yourself, would you give them such an easy pass through life?  Probably not.  But if we're the ones who do the complaining, the manipulating, the lying, the cheating, the drinking, the slacking...it's not so bad.  It's when other people do them, especially if it affects us, especially if it affects us in a negative way, that's when we get out the judgement book.  Just think if people held themselves to the same high standards we hold other people to.

I think I found a new hangout for me.  It's about a 20 minute drive, but it's a cozy little restaurant/lounge that has live jazz.  It's a place I've been wanting to go for months...I thought I'd go there with him, but of course we never got around to it.  I finally went there last night, and I loved it.  I may make it up there every weekend.  It was so quaint and charming.  It's an old building, not much to look at on the outside, but the character inside is something.  Not overwhelming.  The floors are uneven and a little creaky.  The booths are worn.  But it felt right, like I belonged there.  That's what is calling me back.  The feeling that that was "my" place.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose is a good movie.  It had its scary moments.  I'm not haunted by it, like I thought I would be.  I'm a little relieved and a little disappointed at the same time.  I rarely get scared by movies.

Posted by: greeneyes at 18:05 | link | comments

Fuck it.  Just fuck it all.  I don't need anybody, I don't need friends who think I'm just a fucking obligation, I didn't need to date someone who dated me because he felt obligated to, fuck it all.  Just. Fuck. It. All.

Posted by: greeneyes at 19:25 | link | comments (2)