Am I really as neurotic as I feel?

One year

It's been one year since she passed away.  I miss her so much.

Posted by: greeneyes at 18:52 | link | comments

Because you're worth it

You asked me last night why I put up with you...you said you're moody/depressed, you probably drink too much, and I don't remember what else...

I'm with you because I want to be.  You make me happy.  I love spending time with you, I love being around you, I love touching you, I love making love with you, I love sharing a bed with you, I love to lean over the couch and kiss you upside down, I love your smile, I love your eyes...I could go on and on...

I put up with you because I enjoy having you in my life.  I can't imagine not having you to talk to every day.  I've learned so much from you, and I want to keep learning from you.  Yes, you've made mistakes, as have I.  Nobody's perfect...I don't expect anyone to be perfect.  I just expect those around me to be the best person they can be, knowing full well each one (including myself) will stumble, trip, and sometimes just fall flat on their face.  It happens, even to the best of them.

You're worth it.  You're worth my time, you're worth my energy, you're worth my patience, you're worth my space, you're worth my heart.  You really are worth it, and I hope you realize that with every ounce of your being.

Posted by: greeneyes at 18:51 | link | comments

Building trust is a difficult path.  Re-building trust, in my opinion, is an even harder one.  I'm in the midst of going from a fairly low level of trust (when a certain person is involved, anyway), to virtually no trust, to a higher level of trust than I started with.  It's not easy.  It's frustrating.  The thought of being hurt that badly again by someone I care about so much is beyond depressing.  The thought of opening myself up to that much pain and anxiety and anger and frustration is scary.  I doubt myself.  I doubt him.  But I'm making my way through this, as is he.  There are stumbles, falls, bruises, bumps...but I want to persevere.  It would be so easy to walk away and just leave it all behind, but I don't want to.  As easy as it would be to walk away, it would be just as hard to not have him in my life.  I want him in my life.  And that's what it comes down to...I decided to keep him in my life...not because I need to...because I want to.  Nobody  needs anybody...but everybody wants somebody.  I want him.  I believe he can be a better person.  We're getting through this.

Posted by: greeneyes at 21:29 | link | comments