Am I really as neurotic as I feel?

I think I figured out one of the reasons I’ve been so melancholy lately—I am very unimpressed with myself. I don’t do anything special. I go to the same job, do basically the same thing, every day. I’m highly expendable (though well-liked, as far as I can tell) at work. I don’t challenge myself. My competitive spirit has disappeared (which could be why another less-desired characteristic has presented itself). I need something—or someone—to light the spark I used to have. I don’t know how, though. It’s not like I can just ask someone to do that, though…”Hey, can you help me find my spark when you get a minute? Thanks!” And I tend to not let on too much when I feel “off” so people around me don’t really pick up when I’m down. So that leaves me. Well, me and fate, but fate tends to be a tad unpredictable, so I won’t be depending too heavily on that option.

I should start my own business—baking/catering. People have told me I should sell my cakes. That is a bit intimidating, though. Where do I start? What if I fail? What if I’m so consumed by my own business that I have no life? What if my carpal tunnel gets even worse?

Posted by: greeneyes at 07:26 | link | comments (1)

4 am booty calls

I'll go ahead and give those a thumbs up.

Posted by: greeneyes at 09:15 | link | comments

Ahhhhh, football

I'm sure my neighbors love us right now, what with the screaming and swearing and jumping and cheering. The game was beyond amazing...all defense, close score, crucial decisions, timely turnovers. Wow.

Such an emotional week for Coach (love him!!!). His dad passed away Sunday; the funeral was yesterday. Coach was crying at the end of the game, and pretty much everyone else at least had tears in their eyes (including me, of course, and my dad when he called about a minute after the game ended). Oh, what a day. It's even mostly sunny today, which is even better. :)

Posted by: greeneyes at 14:50 | link | comments

I love fall. Football, crisp weather, cider, football. But the shorter days, the cloudy weather, the minimal sunlight really gets to me. The older I get, the earlier the SAD kicks in (though one could argue that my SAD isn't just seasonal), the longer it lasts, and the worse it gets. I call it going into hibernation mode--all I want to do is eat and sleep. I don't care (much) about work (and as a result my anxiety level skyrockets), I get emotional, and I pretty much drive myself crazy.

This past week I've been eating a lot more than usual. Even if I'm not hungry, there are (ahem, were) leftovers to be had, so I had them. Ice cream, chips (even though I rarely eat chips), beans, potatoes, more beans (I'm going through a Tex-Mex phase), cheese, brownies...ugh! The other night I had chips and dip, followed by refried beans with cheese and sour cream and nachos and a big glass of soy milk...at about 9pm. About 5 hours later, I woke up with the worst stomachache and chugged some Pepto. What did I do when I got home from work the next day? Ate the same stuff for supper! This time, though, I had some preventive-Pepto before the beans and nachos. And yes, I think I have put on a pound or two in the past week, though it's hard to tell due to my cycle. It bugs me. It bugs me that I keep eating, and it bugs me that I'm not doing anything about it. Maybe it needs to bug me more.

Two of my good friends (including him) are gone for work. My friend D is gone for two weeks, and he is gone for this week. I miss them. I miss my friend B, who I've seen once (a day back in August) since March. I miss my nephew, even though I just saw him last weekend. I miss my dog.

I want someone to sit with me, cry with me, listen to me, and talk to me. And then tell me to get off my ass and go do something. My problem is I have a very hard time asking for help, especially when it comes to emotional issues. I don't like being dependent on others for any reason, even though sometimes I need to be. Everybody needs to be dependent on others at some point. I'm just worried I'll become perpetually dependent, unable to do anything or make any decision without someone next to me.

Anyway...BoSox are up 6-0 over the Yankees. I'm not a big fan of Boston, but I can't stand the Yankee$. Stupid Cubs.

Posted by: greeneyes at 20:33 | link | comments

I can resist anything but temptation. And when you're with someone who is the same way, it makes for a good time. A very, very, very good time. And steamy windows. ;-)

Posted by: greeneyes at 14:02 | link | comments (3)

Oh, I'm so close to 1000 visits! Ooohh!!! Pointy ears! Pointy ears!

Two days to a new Foamy..."Jiggly Butt"...quite appropriate, since my tushie is a bit jello-like and I sometimes refer to it as my jiggly butt.

Posted by: greeneyes at 11:52 | link | comments

This is what I want

She thinks I walk on water
She thinks I hung the moon
She tells me every morning,
"They just don’t make men like you"

She thinks I’ve got it together
She swears I’m as tough as nails
But I don’t have the heart to tell her
She don’t know me that well

She don’t know how much I need her
She don’t know I’d fall apart
Without her kiss, without her touch
Without her faithful, loving arms
She don’t know that it’s all about her
She don’t know I can’t live without her
She’s my world, she’s my everything
And she thinks she needs me

Sometimes she cries on my shoulder
When she’s lying next to me
But she don’t know that when I hold her
That she’s really holding me, holding me

She don’t know how much I need her
She don’t know I’d fall apart
Without her kiss, without her touch
Without her faithful, loving arms
She don’t know that it’s all about her
She don’t know I can’t live without her
She’s my world, she’s my everything
And she thinks she needs me

Yeah, and the funny thing is
She thinks she’s the lucky one

She don’t know how much I need her
She don’t know I’d fall apart
Without her kiss, without her touch
Without her faithful, loving arms
She don’t know that it’s all about her
She don’t know I can’t live without her
She’s my world, she’s my everything
And she thinks she needs me

She thinks I walk on water
She thinks I hung the moon

Posted by: greeneyes at 17:52 | link | comments