Am I really as neurotic as I feel?

It's amazing how quickly life can change.  Just a couple of days ago I was still slightly bummed that I would become Front Desk Girl next week.  Yesterday morning I was going to go out to another building (within the company) to help out over there.  The managers in my building decided they wouldn't let me go (since I'm just that awesome), so I'm in a new position, reporting to somebody different, and I'll be making an extra dollar an hour.  From a fairly boring, routine job and a pay cut to something new and challenging and a raise in about a day.  How cool is that?

Posted by: greeneyes at 13:46 | link | comments

You Are the Only One

I know I say this every week, but I have a new favorite song. Maria Mena, You Are the Only One. It's so amazingly fabulous. It's very simple...there are no synthesized voices, no obviously contrived lyrics...just a happy little melody and happy little lyrics. Maybe I like it because it could be about me right now; there was one part that was (possibly, maybe) so true I actually had a couple of tears in my eyes. I think that's the first time a song has made me tear up from happiness.

Well I saw you with your hands above your head,
spinnin’ around, trying not to look down
but you did and you fell, hard on the ground

you stumbled around for a good ten minutes
and I said that I’ve never seen anyone look so dumb before
but you laughed and said “I still know how to turn you on though”

you are the only one who
drags me kicking and screaming through fast dreams
and you are the only one who
knows exactly what I need

And I problably forgot to tell you this,
like that time I forgot to tell you about that scar,
remember how uncomfortable that made you feel?

See you’re not what I expected
but you’re the only one who knows how to handle me
you’re such a great kisser, and I know that you agree

And you are the only one who
drags me kicking and screaming through fast dreams
and you are the only one who
knows exactly what I mean

I hope you can forgive me for that time when I put my hand between your legs
and said it was small, ‘cause it’s really not at all
I guess there’s just a part of me that likes to bring you down
just to keep you around, ‘cause the day you that you realize how amazing you are
you’re gonna leave me

You are the only one who
holds my hair back when I’m drunk and get sick
you are the only one who
knows exactly what I mean

And you are the only one who
drives me kicking and screamning trough fast dreams
you are the only one who
knows exactly what I need

exactly what I need

I saw you with your hands above your head
spinning around, trying not to look down
but you did and you fell, hard on the ground

Posted by: greeneyes at 22:00 | link | comments (2)

I had a lovely evening.  A couple of us went to a friend's house, ate dinner, and played Trivial Pursuit.  Our male counterpart realized that there are indeed 50 states; Alaska and Hawaii do not actually count twice.  And if you bomb the Sphinx, Egypt will not be flooded resulting in thousands and thousands of deaths.  When in doubt about a question regarding a pitcher in baseball, say Satchel Paige.  The llama is a cousin of the camel; it is used to guard livestock in the U.S.....not the horse.  And Suze Orman is still my hero.

Posted by: greeneyes at 23:54 | link | comments

There are about 100 other people who applied for the same job I did....yippee....something else to bring me down...

Hey, at least I'm getting overtime at work this weekend!

Posted by: greeneyes at 12:06 | link | comments

I applied for a regular full-time position tonight within my company.  I would guess I have a fairly good chance of getting it, since I'm an internal applicant and the people in that department love me (who wouldn't).  I really want this job.  Cross your fingers!

-----

I'm still mad LaToya got voted off.  I can't even watch the darn show anymore (not that I'll miss the "Yo, dawg, it was a'ight for me" from Randy).  But LaToya was the best.

Posted by: greeneyes at 19:11 | link | comments

My new favorite song

Hello there the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you I miss you)
(I miss you I miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
The Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)

Posted by: greeneyes at 19:05 | link | comments

Well, forget about July.  Try two weeks.  The least my boss could do is tell me himself.  So today was a pretty crappy day...my head hurts, my stomach hurts.  The thought of not working makes me ill, let alone the prospect of no income.  Surely this is happening for a reason.  I'm not sure what that reason is, but it better be a good one.

Since I'm feeling so poopy, I thought it would be good to write down some good things about me, my life, and things in general.  So here goes:

Posted by: greeneyes at 21:30 | link | comments (2)

So I may not have a job come July.  Our peak season is winding down (except for some monster projects starting in June) and since I'm just a temp, I'm more expendable than regular full-time employees (RFT's).  This is disappointing news, of course...though it's not definite and things can change by tomorrow.  At this rate, the only thing tying me to this place will be football (which I haven't even ordered tickets for yet)...since I'm still single (shockingly enough).  This certainly doesn't quell the urge to move away.  But we'll see what tomorrow brings!

Posted by: greeneyes at 11:08 | link | comments (1)

Back to my friend.  I let her know that I knew what she was dealing with.  I let her know that I was there for her, that I would help her if she asked me to, and that she was my friend.  Things I wanted to hear when I was down.  We (our other friends and I) devised ways to help her...to help her realize that she could be happier.

So how does this make me a hypocrite?

The whole time we were trying to help our friend, I was ignoring myself.  I was almost oblivious to the fact that I was dealing with some of the same issues she was.  Well, that's not quite entirely accurate.  I know my issues...it was just nice to have someone else to focus on besides myself.  My main issues surround my self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth.  I know I'm a capable human being.  I am largely self-supporting (except for my car, but I'm planning on buying a new one and letting my parents have my current car later on this year).  I work hard.  I have a great sense of humor, great lips, and expressive green eyes.  I'm intelligent, though a bit naive at times.  I'm becoming rather good with money.  I'm loyal and dedicated.  I'm usually fairly patient and easy-going.

So what the hell's my problem?

Despite the fact that I'm a strong, independent feminist I feel incomplete because I'm single.  I've been single for all of my life, except for a few weeks in sixth grade.  So really, I've been single my entire life.  And I think it's starting to wear on me.  I don't like to admit this, as I feel as though I'm betraying my fellow feminists, but I think it's true.  For the longest time, I was convinced that the guys around me were just focused on the "college babe" stereotype, which I don't fit into by any stretch of the imagination.  But now...now I can't help but wonder if it's me.  What's so wrong with me that I get pushed into the friend zone before I even realize it?  Is it because I could be a plus-size model (wrong measurements notwithstanding)?  Because I'm taller than ninety percent of the men in this world?  Because I yell more than most other fans at sporting events?  Because I enjoy spectator sports?  Because I'm not pretty enough?  Because my tummy is too flabby?  Do I come off as stuck up?  Am I too shy?  Do I have a body odor problem none of my friends have bothered to point out?  What???!!!???  (You may be thinking, "Well, this broad's just too damn insecure."  This is true.  But I tend to hide my insecurities, so I wouldn't think this would be an issue...at least not right away.)

Sure, guys tell me I'm a great catch...guys who have wives, or girlfriends, or are just friends.  That's not to say I don't truly appreciate their comments (I do, trust me!).  It's just puzzling...why is it all these guys who can't have me (or, more accurately, guys I can't have) find me to be such a great catch, but single guys in my age range don't?  I don't get it.

Posted by: greeneyes at 19:56 | link | comments

I am extraordinary
I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

I may have to buy another CD....Miss Liz kinda rocks.

Posted by: greeneyes at 13:21 | link | comments