Am I really as neurotic as I feel?

I gave into temptation.  It was great...still smiling...definitely worth getting 4 hours of sleep for! 

Posted by: greeneyes at 10:30 | link | comments

It's amazing how strong temptation can be; I don't think I've ever been this tempted before (not including a brownie or piece of cake, of course).  I can't last much longer.  I love his voice, how I get all excited when my phone rings and it's him.  I love his eyes, how friendly they are and how they crinkle when he smiles and laughs.  He doesn't particularly care for the "crinkles" but I think they're sexy.  Shoot, I even love the way he teases me...almost like a third-grader who would pull my pigtails (if I had them) once again if only he hadn't been threatened with a visit to the principal's office just moments before.  The attraction, the desire...it's all there, just waiting for the right moment to explode...

Posted by: greeneyes at 07:08 | link | comments

I re-dyed my hair.  I'm very happy with it; I think it looks great.  Hopefully he will think so too.....

He's back in town; I missed him while he was gone, even though we talked more while he was away then when he's home.  Funny how that is.  It's so much easier to type things than to say things.  The flirting, the discussions, the flirting....it flows better from the keyboard.  Maybe that's because I'm worried I'll say something dumb (which I tend to do), or because typing gives me a chance to collect my thoughts for a second (which I tend to not do when I'm talking).  I've always been much better at expressing myself through paper/computer than through spoken words.

I might be working at least 12 hours tomorrow.  A lot of hours, but a whole lot of money.

 

Shopping for a digital camera is a pain in the butt.  Especially when you've tried two of them and they're not quite good enough.  So I'll probably be spending a little more than I originally planned, but that's where the extra hours/extra money comes into play. 

Posted by: greeneyes at 17:25 | link | comments

Singing and dancing in the car is one of life's little joys.

Posted by: greeneyes at 21:52 | link | comments (1)

Boredom can lead to change, but is that necessarily a good thing?

 

I dyed my hair the other day.  I was tired of looking at the same color every day; it seemed so blah, lifeless, and boring, so I felt a change was in order.  My “regular” color (I seldom dye my hair) was nowhere to be found so I tried something different.  The color was not what I was going for, which means I’ll probably be coloring my hair again soon.

 

I told “him” that I colored my hair.  He wanted to know why, since he liked my hair the way it was.  I told him I just wanted something different.  He said my hair color was just fine.  I said I didn’t really like the color anyway and was going to try to go back to my normal color, or close to my normal color.  I realized shortly after we talked that I was getting slightly defensive even though I agreed with him.

 

It occurred to me yesterday (or maybe this morning, I lost track) that we tend to get bored of ourselves.  We look in the mirror and see the same hair color, the same beauty marks, the same freckles, the same slightly crooked tooth, the same curves, the same imperfections, the same everything every day.  We have time (or take the time) to nitpick every single flaw that may or may not be noticeable to others.  This nitpicking leads to insecurity, which can lead to lowered self-esteem, which we all know is bad.

 

But do we really need to be so hard on ourselves?  Do we need to stare into the mirror and examine our skin for flaws every morning and night?  Do we have to go get Botox for the wrinkles that are beginning to show on the forehead?  Do we have to maintain perfect beauty so that other people will like us?

 

I don’t think we do.  So what if we have crinkles by our eyes when we laugh?  Those crinkles are sexy.  The same hair color for months?  So what—if it’s natural it must work with our features.  A few extra curves?  Just more to love.

 

We should be more accepting of ourselves.  We’re great.  We’re funny, we’re nice.  And if I may paraphrase Jack Handey, we’re good enough, we’re smart enough, and doggone it people like us.

Posted by: greeneyes at 12:32 | link | comments (1)

I would just like to reiterate...sinus infections (or whatever it is I have) suck.  It feels like I have a combination of the flu (chills, aches), a sinus infection (intense sinus pain), a cold (starting to cough...maybe this is more the flu).  I may be late to work tomorrow.  I hate missing work.  I also hate whining, but that's the only thing I feel like doing.  Well, whining and talking to "him."  Oh, well.  Back to QEftSG.

Posted by: greeneyes at 21:44 | link | comments

I feel like I should write tonight.  Not because I have nothing else to do, though I'm trying very hard to convince myself that's the case; indeed, I could be cleaning the kitchen, finishing up the living room (freshly painted walls), reading, doing laundry (it's nice to have clean clothes for work), or just sitting on my butt watching TV.  But there are a lot of thoughts clogging up my head right now, taking up valuable (?) space.  So maybe this will help.  Maybe not.  I'm pretty sure the following random thoughts won't make sense, especially when put together, but this will perhaps give you a glimpse into my head.

I love seeing live music.  Not so much the rocking concerts with mosh pits and teenyboppers trying to look way to old...more the sit down, relax, and get swept away by the music concerts.  I saw my alma mater's symphony perform last fall, and I absolutely loved it.  I haven't seen them (or anyone else) perform since.  Why?

I hate not knowing what other people are truly thinking.  This is quite hypocritical of me, I admit.  I tend to keep some of my feelings/emotions/thoughts away from other people for various reasons.  I try to never be fake.  I try to be like my boobs...real and not too bad.

Sinus infections suck ass.  Stinky, sweaty ass.  I have chronic sinusitis (Kleenexes are my best friend), and I'm in day 1.5 of an acute attack (yay, snot on snot!).  I really should get health insurance.

It's amazing that an event that happened 22 years, 1 month, and 5 days ago (when I was just a wee lass) can still piss me off to no end and bring me to tears in a matter of seconds.

I love Garth Brooks's "One Night a Day."  If I could grow some balls and sing in front of other people, this would be my karaoke song.  Alas, I can't even convince myself I sound good unless the music's turned way up.

I wish I could still play the piano, or the flute.  I used to be really good at both.  But not anymore.  My creative outlet is baking cakes for friends.  The cake thing is definitely tastier.

I never did get the Sprockets skit on Saturday Night Live.  I'm still mad Comedy Central switched from SNL to Mad TV.  Bastards.  Perhaps a strongly worded letter is required.

It sucks when you want something really bad, and you can't have it.

All in all, I have a good life.  Regardless of how much I may complain about it at times, there are few things I would change.

Posted by: greeneyes at 20:37 | link | comments

Out of sight, out of mind?  Or absence makes the heart grow fonder?  I'm thinking the latter as opposed to the former; this might be because I tend to remember people, events, and words said.  Either way, I miss him.

Posted by: greeneyes at 22:15 | link | comments

I admit it. I peruse personal ads when I'm bored, just to see what (or who) is out there. I've noticed a trend among personal ads: they're boring.

"Hi. I'm just a regular guy who loves to go out and have fun, but sometimes I like to stay in and have a good time. I like to laugh. I'm looking for a girl who likes to have a good time too. Email me if you're interested."

Well, who wouldn't be drawn to that charismatic ad? Or (for those less sarcastically inclined) who the hell can tell if they're interested in that? Who doesn't like to have a good time? We all like to go out and have fun (whether it's dancing, music, food, sports, or just going outside) or stay in and have a good time (movies, making dinner, board games, whatever). I mean seriously, show a little spunk! What do you do? What makes you you? (Just some friendly advice for those of you using personal ads.)

What makes us individuals? Scientifically, I'd guess that we are who we are based on our life experiences and our genes--nurture and nature. We learn about our surroundings and adapt our behavior to best suit our needs, a sort of micro-Darwinism. Sometimes, though, our behavior is not conducive to our goals. For example, I'm a procrastinator. I could go pro, in fact. I do get things done, but realistically I could do a better job (at work, back when I was in school, everywhere else) if I just do what needs to be done and get it out of the way instead of checking to see if some food, already prepared and ready to eat, magically appeared in my fridge in the last two minutes.

But that isn't where I was going with my last paragraph. I sometimes let myself get sidetracked. Too many thoughts, too few synapses. Anyway...

What makes us individuals? It's the little things that make us us. The friend who always sends out cards--Halloween, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Millard Fillmore's birthday, you name it. The friend who joins you in ogling basketball and football players, and never forgets the stupid things everyone says (because she writes them down). The friend who always compliments you on your shirt. The friend's ex-boyfriend who never resisted the temptation to say how much better "the city" was than "this place" (there's a reason he's an ex). The friend who always snorts when she laughs. The friend whose eyes crinkle when he's happy. The friend who is never shocked by what you tell her, because she's already been through it. The friend who plots with you to become rich and famous (but will settle for just rich). The friend who says you're a natural pretty, the kind you can wake up to in the morning and not wonder who the hell you are. The friend who announces to the world when she has a wedgie and needs to pick it out, then proceeds to do so. The friend who loves you in spite of (or because of) the fact you're a big dork, because he/she is a big dork too...possibly bigger. The friend who is...your friend.

Remember...you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friend's nose. That's reallly frowned upon in most global societies.

Posted by: greeneyes at 19:02 | link | comments